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How to Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

 

In order to feel happy, of worth, fearless, confident, get the job done, be in relationship - we need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

This requires risk and to change your thinking from it is weak to ask......to it is courageous to ask. Retraining your thinking can be tough.

Take small steps - next time you don’t understand the word, ask the person who said that, to explain what it means. You are not dumb, you want to understand them, their point of view, the information they are giving you. It’s respectful to both you and them, it is learning and courageous.

It is a sign of strength to ask, it is a sign that we want to understand the person we’re talking with, we want to do a good job, we want to be part of the conversation, we want to contribute, we want to learn and we want help.

United as One Human Race

 

 

FREEDOM...... to make a stand as a community for a social value of freedom takes courage.

A legacy is formed when we support others and our character in those times becomes part of our identity.

Australians and New Zealanders met the world with their fighting spirit and determination.

In moments of ceasefire both sides would bury their dead and share a cigarette. 

United as one human race - please let’s remember and respect we all breathe the same air and born of mothers who don’t wish to bury us. 

Be kind and remember those that gave so we might live. 

A Daily Reminder of Who We Are

 

I adore painting and my mother was an Artist as well.  I started painting next to my mother's easel when I was just six years old, it was a scene of perspective, a local road with telegraph poles and it was raining, I still love looking out windows at scenes.

I study the sitter for days, weeks, even months through photographs and meetings and listening to their story. I ask the questions that bring emotions to the front of their mind and watch their body language. I blend that trusted, precious information with my way of being and start to “feel an impression” that quintessence of the sitter.

Elaine wanted to wake up in the morning, look over and see a huge portrait of herself and experience a feeling of “yeah I am that person – fucking awesome”. That was her brief!

When I paint I do so with emotions as well as skill and a style that is unique to me, it's taken years to develop as I was told my style was too abstract. That’s what I want to enthuse others about, to know yourself and stand solid in your belief and if you are not solid then develop that through reading, vids or coaching. To walk strong, upright in the knowledge that your style is what makes you “amazing, brilliant, fantastic, awesome, outstanding” – I don’t want average, do you?

Do you want the best?

Do you want to stand tall in your own style?

Do you want to be awesome?

Then use your strength, learn constantly, get Expert advice and just say it with your throaty roar...

I AM BRILLIANT!

 

Vickie Lea Interviewed by Patti Boulay

Link to Interview

In this new exclusive series, Patti Boulaye looks at the other side of success with people from all walks of life.

LIFE with Patti Boulaye”, I joined Patti and we talked about being a Behavioural Maturity & Communications Consultant and helping people in the workplace and in their personal lives with their emotional intelligence, using an Expert to support others to think at a higher level. Patti believes as do I that in this time where social media is so important to us, learning to understand emotions is more essential than ever.

With such a fascinating topic in this ever-changing world, this episode is both entertaining and informative. Patti says it is "not one to missed".

We discuss how difficult it can be to communicate and how we internalise our emotions and how at times that can cause our minds and bodies distress.  We discuss suicide, how to just "talk" and what life can throw at us and how changing a mindset or our values can help us cope and help others.  

What can we do to help society?  We discuss the Happy & Sad Model (TM) and how we can introduce this early in order to change the way we all communicate so it can be a more positive and enriching experience, that can lead to less conflict.

Basically how to be a diplomat in your life!

Change Buddies support you in CHANGE

Let the crew know your future plans. If you are going to engage a Coach, read material to change your thinking, watch vids to change for the better, then let others in your close circle know, so they will understand why you "have all of a sudden changed".  This can unsettle others around you so if you want support during your transition of change, let them know and get a Change Buddy.

You are going to shake it up, you are going to commit, you are going to believe it and know it, it's an event in your life!  You are going to LEARN CORE CONFIDENCE and that will be a new thought, a new regime, a new skill set to help you feel strong.

Yes, it carries risk, yes that can be scary!

  1. What if you fail?
  2. What if you are embarrassed?
  3. What if you feel pressured to prove yourself? 

So what!  The person that matters is you, you are the one making the decision, the one making the change and many will benefit for your thinking shift.

Let others know your future plans and give them a warning and the ones that want to help you and want to support you, will be there for you.  They are your "change buddies".

Grab your "change buddies" and make time to be with them, walk, talk and eat with them

Give out the advance warning of what YOU are going to do and that will identify your "change buddies" and stick with them, they ARE the ones for you.

Early warning brings "change buddies" on board and you get to sail with chums who want you to get to your destination. 

 

Vickie Lea interviewed by The Dead Good Show's Simone Riley BBC

 

Interview with The Dead Good Show's Simone Riley BBC (tap Good Show for Link).

Simone had heard about a new way to communicate in our personal and business lives and wanted to find out how to help others. We are STILL speaking to others in the same way and getting the same results, ridiculous isn't it?

Unhappy relationships equal unhappy lives.

We are not encouraged to learn a new method on how to talk. I want everyone to learn a new way to talk, chat, communicate and have more understanding of what the other person is saying. Greater understanding leads to confidence, quality communication and high productivity.

We are not taught formally how to communicate effectively. We are taught to enunciate clearly, voice projection, meaning of the words we use, say thank you, please and may I. Don't get me started on the "May I" and asking permission scenario! What I am saying is by engaging in formal training for Effective Communication we gain results far beyond what we have now. It works for Face to Face and for Online Meetings.

All around us are the messages to invest in self with mindfulness, inspirational messages, redecorate to feel better, healthier office environments, put more in the sales funnel, create more relationships, more social media yet it all comes down to how we communicate.

Why are we not training in Effective Communications - with a small investment for long term results?

With the Model - We communicate our ideas to the collective in certain environments, they need to be in the moment to hear them, they need to feed them back and hone in on our feelings, observe the body language of the group, watch for the response reactions. When we have understood our confidence increases, conflicts are reduced thus higher quality relationship management, higher creativity and more productivity, more emotional and financial profit.

The model is titled The Happy & Sad Model (TM) and it is a model that can be utilised across many platforms, for example, it suits individuals, couples, families, partnerships, groups, those on the floor and CEOs, SMEs to completely changing a company ethos on the way they communicate. It works.... yet you have to take a risk to try it! Then we get into those that are Risk Adventurers and those that are Risk Adverse :) a conversation for another day. 

Miscommunication leads to discourse, resentment, loss in productivity, arguments and loss in our relationships.

Unhappy relationships equal unhappy lives.

 

The rules of engagement have changed.....

Reduced Management skills can often be drilled down to an issue with communication and relationships and that is a threat to your business and your position.

How we interpret external events and process them through our thinking, values, beliefs, our language, our memories and especially our Cultural Dimension and EQ filters, produce the output out of our mouths.  Additionally communication was about how you penned a letter, how you worded a telegram, a telex, sent a fax, how you spoke on the phone, what we saw visually, how you held a conversation, these were tools and skills for communication and you were trained how to communicate effectively from an early age.

Not anymore!

Now computers are doing the writing, the talking and the communicating, directly to each other, removing us from the relationships.  Add in Cryptocurrency and we are changing the way we buy and sell, how we record transactions, then throw into the mix, the apps that have changed the way we access services and information thus removing the human interaction - what does all this give us? 

Perhaps it gives us an area we want to avoid and just perhaps we no longer have highly attuned skills on how to communicate effectively in some areas of our lives. Our interactions, our relationships, our businesses, our staff and our profit are all impacted.

The rules of engagement have changed and our old learnt behaviours and resources are limited.  

Therefore we need to make a cognitive decision to embrace change, be encouraged to review our own limitations on using out-dated ways of communicating and learn new.  Changing the way we internally process as well as our value systems can be challenging - yet if we do nothing, we will experience unfortunate management styles due to ineffective communications.  

If you want solid management and optimum relationships then IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS by recognising we all come from different heritage therefore we communicate and interpret differently.  Additionally EQ learning is a priority, learning to identify emotions and how they play a major part in our performance and influence how we communicate, can make us more competitive in the market place as well as happier and healthier human beings.

“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. (Harvard Gazette, Liz Mineo, April 11, 2017)

 

 

Addiction

We experience the triggers and the yearnings kick in. All it is - is that we go to excess.

Generally, it isn’t the physical item or thing we are addicted to, it is the feeling we are addicted to. 

Some people think self-loathing is the basis for addiction.

My thoughts are; that whatever we are addicted to be it the wine, the biscuits, the sex or the new purchases, it felt good at one stage and our mind wants to repeat that. Stop discomfort, feels good – well that sounds optimum, doesn’t it.

I am hesitant to say we self loathe. It is an addiction and do we fully understand addiction? It is like these leaves in the image, different shapes, unusual colours, and distinctive patterns, all full of twists and turns entirely tangled up with each other and yet growing. Addiction is something on top of our core value, that solid blue background in the photo is the core of us and we can train that vine to grow the way we want.

There are so many schools of thought on how to treat addiction. That less than favourable label on us.

So what do we do about it?

The task is to get the addiction/feelings under control. We need “change buddies”, we need “tools” and perhaps changing our thinking will change our emotions and in turn change the outcome.

So give your “change buddies” (previous blog) warning that you are going to attempt to get some control and as to the tools - read, write, paint, gym, sports, swim, talk or hobbies, support groups - remove yourself from the toxic trigger situations, call out to “change buddies” for help, NLP, CBT, get a sponsor, seek out wellbeing groups, medical support, meditate, have small amounts of the addictive substance if appropriate, medical intervention - whatever works for you. It’s personal, tailor it to you.

    Make decisions to make changes and complete a physical action to endorse the new style thinking - you really are not alone, even though it can feel like it. That Change Buddy is essential on holding your hand during this time.  Be gentle on yourself and remember there is hope even though it doesn't feel like it, your Buddy will be your hope for the time-being.

     

    What's Your Excuse?

    Look at his face, the determination, not the excuse…. He is lifting a bloody huge tyre. Imagine his physical core, the strength in his shoulders and his chest. Do you want that strength, do you want that inner knowledge and confidence that comes from being that strong?

    Look at this, see what he is doing, and look at his legs, his arm – not an excuse, not a disability! We can tell he has been through HELL, we can see it – it is visual!

    Some of our HELL isn’t visual to others yet we have similar trials – emotionally, physically, mentally and even spiritually, people don’t see ours so they may not react with “wow she is an inspiration” – “wow what a feat” – “wow HE is such an encouragement TO OTHERS”.

    So tell your story, engage with life, say I have dealt with MUCK, let people know and acknowledge how resilient you are. It’s not arrogance to let others know, it’s being authentic, it’s behavioural maturity to be aware of your own CORE, that uniqueness, that beauty and strength in you - foster it with alternative approaches AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.

    Say yes I will make a difference in this world by inspiring others, owning your abilities and qualities and in the process become more CORE Confident.

     

    Unconditional Love Buds (ULBs) - Best Friends

     

    We all face challenges that seem to crush us, take our joy and spirit away.

    My husband killed himself after 8 attempts, partners lying and cheating, losing our home, addiction, miscarriages, reputation attacked, being falsely loved, losing our job, nil return on investments, coping with the disease of self or loved ones and even emotion and physical abuse.  

    From there; it's either left or right, up or down, pessimism or optimism, blame or responsibility, truth or lying to oneself and others, being real or pretending and hiding it from the world.  

    We have best buds for a reason; yes friendship is a trade however we usually have one unconditional love buddy.  

    That's the buddy we need to connect with when our joy seems gone. You will recognise these characters as they don't trade the friendship, the ones there for you at 3am when you are vomiting all over the walls, the ones that will cry with you over the death of a loved one, the ones that use actions rather than words, the ones that help with that uni paper at 5am, the ones that put your debts on their credit card, the ones whose eyes fill with your pain when your light has dimmed. You will recognise them as they are respected and loved.

    Find your ULB - unconditional love buddy, share you are feeling crushed, you need listening to and perhaps they can make a decision for you if need be.  Let them lift you up, let them give you true joy, let them encourage you to laugh and cry.

    Let them carry your burden for a little while whilst you rest.  Make a choice to be REAL and AUTHENTIC and stand with your ULB and say "help me" and together both of you say to each other You're brilliant! 

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