My book is still currently being written and is titled.......
You think you have anxiety ......
The book is to be launched 2020 and its about standing on your own two feet in the face of adversity and insecurity.
""I’ve never seen so much blood - toilet water is dark red in the bowl, all the blood running down the inside like one of those toilet products in cheesy adverts, the seat and all the outside red, blood red just dripping so surreal ......like one of those Salvador Dali paintings, I thought quietly in the midst of this new chaos - toilet bowls are so white.
Him laying in my arms, blood all over the floor, the tiny blue flecked tiles and all the grout filled with his blood and this silence, stark silence as if we had been transported to the outback where I grew up, stinking hot desert, powdery fine red dust, immense blue skies and the necessary mirage on one long straight road, just us laying by the road in stillness, the lack of sound piercing my ears, where was my emotion?
Vomiting up blood, with such force - no colour in his face, that grey ashen look drained of life, those white parched lips, eyes seemly no longer blue now they are a smokey haze colour, he slides into my arms, I can’t take his weight, I heard my inside voice say myself say “dead weight”. He is dying in my arms, taking his last few breaths, like a baby’s breath so shallow, looking right into my eyes and barely whispering to me “I love you..... You changed my life...... I’m okay with dying darling, I’m okay with it ...... I love” he had stopped talking, I had salty tears hitting my mouth and when I wiped it, I tasted his blood that was on my hand, his body limp in my arms, his weight crushing my legs, my emotions are void, the pain is so great, there are no recognisable emotions in me, perhaps it is anguish …….one of the paramedics couldn’t get a needle in his vein, they were moving swiftly saying his veins were collapsing, in an urgent pressured voice he said to his partner "it’s a risk" and just shoved the adrenaline filled syringe somewhere into his lifeless body.""
My funny, loving husband had an inoperable rare tumour and there was no treatment available! He was the analytical type so he just decided he would cease his life rather than his life timeline do the deciding. However as a “nerd” type he wasn’t optimum at the practical stuff so with killing himself he wasn’t top of the class, "it isn't easy to kill oneself" he often said.
Andy had 20 minor attempts, 8 major attempts and ONE successful suicide. That’s what the policeman said to me – “oh we call the last one a successful one” he corrected me when I used the word attempt. Over the eight years of these attempts, my thinking and decision making was truly shaken yet the journey and some expert coaching showed me I can stand on my own two feet and know in the core of me that my decisions are the right ones for me.
I want you to have that knowledge and feeling too - self assured confidence that is real and in the CORE of you.
The book draft chapters have brought others to tears and encouraged them to value who they are, what they have and how others can help change their life.
For you - I hope you are moved to be bold and full of spirit and spend some time being coached to be the confident person you really are and recognise YOU can make and will make great decisions if your CORE CONFIDENCE is in place.
Recommendation from Senior Exec - LinkedIn Profile
Vickie is one of those people who makes your life better for having known her. One of the things that makes her special is that she has been able to maintain her energy and focus while dealing with very challenging personal life experiences. As her business engagement has flourished she has managed to use those experiences, alongside her undoubted professional skills, to provide powerful learning and development support to others. Always interesting and engaging and well worth talking to.